From “Holding It Together” to “Letting Go”
How Burnout Led to Simone Steffen’s Health Reset
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What were you doing when you realized you were experiencing burnout?
It happened in 2014 - I was managing the HR Services Delivery Center in IBM Brazil. The whole team was about 90 people, and I had 24 direct reports.
What led you to step away, and how did you know it was time? Was burnout a slow build, or did something break all at once?
Well, I was deeply, deeply unhappy, constantly frustrated. I had developed a chronic health condition a few years before, which was triggered by stress, and I can't tell you how many times I sat in my manager's cubicle and cried, hunched over in pain, unable to even stand up, let alone walk out, so I could go home. It was miserable - and somehow I thought I had to grit my teeth and power through it.
Looking back, I have no idea why I did that... what was I trying to prove? At one point during 2014, I'd logged an average of approximately 250 received emails a day (yes, really), and 6.5 hours of meetings, many of which were spent in two meetings at once - one on the phone and one on my laptop. That was an eye-opening moment.
My former manager had recently left and my new manager had previously been my internal client. I asked to talk to her and told her I was resigning. It didn't feel like giving up it felt like making a very informed decision for the sake of my long-term health. She told me to leave my laptop in her office and take as many days as I needed.
I took about a week, attended medical appointments, got my health back on track, and when I returned, she told me she'd contacted a manager in the US who was hiring for a global role, she felt I was a good fit, and had already arranged an interview. I got the role and have been working remotely ever since. The first few times I had to go back to the office, I continued to experience the same physical symptoms, so eventually I stopped going. I am happy to report that I eventually managed to spend full days there and feel okay, and the chronic health condition is under control.
Did company values or expectations ever conflict with your need for rest or balance?
I won't say that there were company values that were conflicting - it was just the complete lack of support from management, and also my own unrealistic expectations around what I thought I was supposed to do.
What expectations—spoken or unspoken—contributed to your experience? What didn’t people see? I've always put immense pressure on myself to succeed, and quitting something was not an option. I had to see things through; otherwise, I felt like I was failing. It took me a long time to accept that changing course, or deciding that something is no longer working for you, is completely acceptable.
How did your upbringing or background shape your experience?
I was considered a "gifted child" growing up; I could read and write when I was 5, and skipped school years. Getting anything less than an A was devastating, but a lot of that pressure was self-imposed for reasons I still haven't uncovered. Maybe that's just how my brain was wired, and rewiring it is a daily exercise of pulling my beliefs apart and putting them back together in healthier ways.
Were there macroeconomic trends that impacted your career?
Not really, not that I can think of. It was a personal situation, rather than one influenced by macroeconomic factors.
How have you (or will you) prevent burnout in your next chapter?
I've become an expert at saying no. It was terrifying in the beginning. I’d worry about what people would think or if I'm going to lose my job. But I knew I couldn't go back to how it was, so I persevered, and it became easier and easier. Eventually, I realized, it's not saying no for the sake of saying no. It's focusing on doing what you do best, where you deliver the most value, and all else will fall into place. And so it has.
What do you want your next chapter to feel like?
Meaningful, above all.
Are there any resources that you found helpful during this time?
I relied heavily on health professionals at the time, because clearly whatever I was trying to do (not much at all, to be honest) wasn't working. I was lucky to find the right professionals, even if it took some time, but together they steered me back to health, in every sense.
What advice would you share with someone looking at stepping away from their job today?
Your health is not negotiable, and not worth a job - any job. You will leave, people will stay, the business will go on as it always did. Decide what's valuable for you as a person, not as a professional, and let that be your guide. Focus on yourself, on your growth, and make choices you can be at peace with.
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